The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
