party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
