My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
