Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
