VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
