There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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