Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
