So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
These tits shall not be calmed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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