Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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