Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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