Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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