Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
