I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
