Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
