yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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