so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
