I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
