i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
