is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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