i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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