Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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