Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
