yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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