First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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