i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
