Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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