i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
