he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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