I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
