I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
