I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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