Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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