I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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