Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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