I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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