I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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