I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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