Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
