...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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