pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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