..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
