If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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