Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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