He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
