You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
