I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
