Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
