She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
farters have to be the big spoon...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
