my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
