I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i drank out of a bidet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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