At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
