3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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