we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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