He felt like a one man threesome
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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