I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
