Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Even the bartender felt bad for me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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