This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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