ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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