My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
