dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
